Breaking Down the Science Behind Why We Crave Social Approval

Imagine you’ve just pushed a major feature to your team’s codebase. You refresh the pull request, heart racing, waiting for that green checkmark and a thumbs-up comment from your lead. That surge of relief and, let’s be honest, pride when you see “LGTM” (Looks Good To Me) isn’t just about merging code. It’s your brain’s hardwired craving for social approval coming to life.

In this post, we’ll journey through the science behind why we crave approval, from ancient survival tactics to modern social validation on social media, and learn how early experiences shape our adult relationships. Whether you’re a developer, product manager, or aspiring IT leader, understanding these triggers can help you foster healthier motivations both in life and at work.

The Evolutionary Roots of Our Need for Approval

Long before GitHub and Slack, our ancestors lived in tight-knit tribes. Being accepted by the group meant protection, shared resources, and a better shot at survival. Evolution stamped this need into our genes: ostracism was literally a death sentence.

• Group cohesion: Early humans depended on each other for hunting, gathering, and defense.
• Brain chemistry: When we receive positive feedback think a reassuring nod during a code review our brain releases dopamine, reinforcing that behavior.

This ancient wiring still drives us today, whether it’s seeking upvotes on a forum thread or praise for a well-executed demo.

Social Validation in Home Psychology

Our first taste of social approval often comes from our families. Home psychology studies show that children whose achievements big or small are noticed and celebrated tend to develop a stronger sense of self-worth.

• Praise and reinforcement: Remember the thrill of “Look what I built!” when you were a kid, and your parents hung your drawing on the fridge? That simple act tells your developing brain, “You matter.”
• Balancing feedback: Too much praise can foster entitlement; too little can sow self-doubt. Finding that balance at home sets the stage for how we interpret external validation later in life.

Social Media Amplification: Likes, Shares, and Dopamine Hits

Fast-forward to today’s world of social media, where the thirst for social approval is atomic. A single “like” or “share” can feel as significant as a standing ovation.

• Instant gratification: Platforms are designed to deliver quick feedback loops. Each notification ping triggers a dopamine surge, and you find yourself scrolling again and again for that next hit.
• Algorithmic nudges: Your feed shows what’s popular, creating a bandwagon effect. Suddenly, you’re chasing trends not just to fit in, but to feel seen.
• Mental health trade-offs: While a supportive comment can boost confidence, overreliance on external validation may lead to anxiety or comparison-driven self-worth.

As IT professionals, we see similar patterns in online communities Stack Overflow reputations, open-source stars, and even internal recognition in chat channels all play into the same neurochemical dance.

When Childhood Trauma Shapes Adult Relationships

Not all of us grow up in picture-perfect environments. Childhood trauma from neglectful parenting to bullying can drastically alter how we seek approval as adults.

• Hyper-approval seekers may constantly chase external praise, fearing that without it, they are unworthy.
• Approval avoiders might shrink from feedback or praise, believing they’re bound to disappoint.
• Boundary blurring: In work settings, these patterns can manifest as either people-pleasing or disengagement, both of which hurt productivity and well-being.

Recognizing your personal history is the first step. Therapy, journaling, or trusted mentorship can help you rewire those old tapes and find healthier, self-driven motivations.

Turning Approval-Seeking into a Growth Tool

You don’t have to ditch our approval-seeking wiring especially in collaborative IT environments where feedback fuels progress. Instead, channel it smartly:

1. Set intrinsic goals: Pair that PR approval rush with personal milestones learning a new framework, improving test coverage, or mentoring a junior colleague.
2. Build feedback rituals: Schedule regular one-on-ones and code-review sessions. Structured feedback reduces anxiety around spontaneous praise or criticism.
3. Celebrate process over perfection: Acknowledge small wins completing a tough bug fix, refactoring a legacy module regardless of external applause.
4. Cultivate self-validation: At the end of each week, note three things you’re proud of. Over time, internal praise can outweigh the need for external validation.

Conclusion

Our craving for social validation has roots that run deep from tribal survival to social media dopamine loops. By understanding the role of home psychology and the impact of childhood trauma on adult relationships, we can transform approval-seeking into a force for growth rather than a source of anxiety. So next time you see that “LGTM,” take a moment to appreciate your progress, but also look inward: What did you learn? How did you grow? That, ultimately, is the kind of approval that lasts.